What even is dignity? The Yeses and the Nos’ of “hygienic treatment”
You’ll come across the word dignity more in the world of end-of-life and funerals than you will anywhere else in life. Here’s why it worries me…
Recently I spoke to someone who was organising a church funeral with a traditional funeral director. This person is savvy. They’d done their research with us. The death was an expected one. Which (contrary to expectation) makes nothing at all easier but does at least allow the impetus and time to prep. They were in as good a place as they might be, whilst also being in the worst place they’d ever been in their life. Two things can be true at the same time.
They had decided that they wouldn’t have the person who had died embalmed. We rarely talk about embalming which is one of the reasons why Dead Positive will always raise it as a point we need to discuss. In fact, it’s talked about so little that you’ll almost never see it listed as an option on the price lists of the majority of traditional funeral directors. Instead, you’ll see the term “hygienic treatment”. Which is, frankly, a euphemism too far for me. In using the term “hygienic treatment” we’re given a mental image that if we don’t go for this (at around £250 a pop, mind) the option we’re left with is unhygienic treatment and who wants that? Images of dirty sponges, neglect, disregard. When the choice in reality is between having your person embalmed and not, just keeping them safe and as cool as possible. There is squeamishness in death. We get it. And so, for that reason, a description of what the process of embalming entails has been left to the end of this post (it’s titled with a content warning) because we get that not everyone wants to know.
Feel free to skip that bit if you prefer to.
Every decent funeral service will treat the body of your person hygienically, will keep them safe.
Every funeral service who employs this euphemism is doing so because they (mistakenly) think that it’s kinder to you. Every funeral service will profit from selling you embalming, the “hygienic treatment”. Of course they will, they’re a business like any other. Ever bought a new car? You’ll have almost certainly been told about the importance of the protective coating for your new seats and paintwork.
Anyway, back to the tale. Armed with this knowledge the family were steadfast that this isn’t what they wanted for their person. His expected death had happened at home. Everyone who felt they needed to see him then had done so. He was not to be prepped to be viewed in a chapel of rest, there was to be no open casket. They just wanted to have him safely and hygienically kept is as good a state as nature would allow until they were able to bury him. The funeral arranger was insistent, however. And when they used the phrase “it’s to preserve his dignity” the family caved.
Humans are living organisms (much more than that to one another of course but living organisms nonetheless). When living organisms stop living, they change. Pluck a living daisy from the grass and you’ll see the almost immediate impact of that plucking. Keep it with you and you’ll watch as that previously living organism eventually completely transforms. This is life. It’s also death and there isn’t a single thing we can do about that. Try as we might.
When someone dies, one of the many things we struggle with is the realisation of our lack of control in the grand scheme and chaos of the universe. The changes which occur following the end of breath are completely natural. They may be confronting. But there’s nothing undignified about them.
Content Warning – A description of embalming
Embalming is used to temporarily preserve a body and to delay the visible signs that it is no longer the home of a living human. To embalm someone a small incision is made to allow access to their arterial system. A device is inserted which uses controlled pressure to inject embalming fluid into an artery. As this fluid travels through the body, the natural fluids it replaces are drained from a nearby vein. Embalming fluid contains preservative, disinfectant and conditioning chemicals. Gases and fluids are removed from chest and abdominal cavities by inserting a different device which provides suction. A more concentrated cavity embalming fluid containing stronger preservative and disinfectant chemicals is introduced to slow decomposition of internal organs.
Embalming fluid is usually made up of formaldehyde (primary preservative), methanol (disinfectant), humectants (moisturisers), dyes (to create natural – living – skin colour) and water.